Thesis Statement.

I certainly want to consider myself to be a writer and by that, I don't mean my profession.  Even though it's what I am.  I like to consider myself as a writer meaning my soul and very existence of being.  Why I think this way, though, I am not quite sure because since high school - when I actually could write frequently - and now - when I know how to technically write - I've only produced a couple of short scripts, maybe a few poems, some pretty decent college papers, and a great deal of whiny blogs where I either exult or bemoan my pathetic existence.  I've had writer's block for a good, oh, let's say six years.  If I actually am a writer, I should be ashamed of myself.

Which leads me to the need of finding a way to cure this writer's block.  Over the past six years, I always ditch whatever I happen to be working on, hoping that a new project will bring forth the flow of inspiration.  It never does.  And I need to find a new tactic.  So, when I stopped to consider what I actually find myself being both passionate and free-flowing about when I do happen to start writing... invariably, it is myself.  Writing blogs about myself, my ideas, my politics, my hopes, dreams, and fears... I have no problems with these.  I've lately found myself being especially more passionate about gay rights.  Maybe now, years later, I'm finally ready to own it.  Maybe I've finally grown and developed enough to understand what I need to be saying and why I need to be saying it and, well, how to say it.  I see injustice in the world and it makes me angry and I feel like I need to fight it.

Hold that thought.  Circle back to the beginning and take the other road now.  I have one hellaciously dramatic life.  The shit that happens... you wouldn't believe.  People I know are constantly commenting on this... I personally believe it's the reason that I don't watch television anymore.  Everything seems boring in comparison.  Take this and meet it up with the first thought, and I'm left with what I see as one option.  I'm hoping it works.  Ideally, this idea will solve a number of my issues.  In the least, it will hopefully help at least one of them.

I'm going to write a memoir.  I know, I know, I'm 24.  What the fuck do I have to write about at 24?  I should be three times this age before I have lived a life worth commenting about...  Except, I don't believe that is true.  I think that I have a certain perspective that is, while not unique in the world, at least warrants listening to.  Growing up gay, Catholic, and with depression has certainly screwed me up for life and why shouldn't other people want to hear about it?  Heh.

I'm setting up this blog as a trial run for this memoir.  I certainly have a lot of memories that I want to write about.  Maybe they will work and maybe they won't and this is what I need all of you for.  Everything I'm going to say in this blog is true (although I will change most names to protect the innocent.... or to protect myself from the guilty).  And at the very least, things are going to be presented as I remember them, which is as close to the truth as I have.  I'll be approaching this entire thing with no-holds-barred.  I'll probably cross at points into potentially embarrassing territory, but I'm willing to deal with that as long as you are.  Just as a warning, though, some of these memories are pretty dark in my head.  I don't know how they will translate out onto paper and I guess we will find out together.  If anything is too dark, though, I will want your feedback on that.  If I really am going to turn this into a memoir, eventually, I don't think it will work if the entire book is too serious and dark.

I know where this is going in my head, so I also need a level of trust from all of you.  I'm not going to present you with this memoir in book format, nor in chronological format.  I'm going to write about whichever memories are strongest to me at any given moment and as a result, you may get bits and pieces of my life, scattered all over.  Just warning.  I really don't know if this can turn into a memoir but I'd like to find out.  At least, the frequency I want to write with can hopefully alleviate my writer's block and, as an added bonus, getting all of these memories out will hopefully be pretty therapeutic.  So, please, join me on this journey if you will.  I don't know if I can do it alone.

You're about to get to know James Walter Gardner Campbell pretty fucking intensely.  And... for that matter.... so am I.